Schwelmo's Welt

Victim of capitalism

I had the wonderful idea to stay in Singapore on the way to Germany. Well I thought it might be wonderful. Just to break up the trip and ease the jetlag. I had three seats in plane for myself and could lie down (but not sleep), yeah! And this time they even didn’t forget my food and I didn’t need to rely on bananas from the personal stuff of the stewardess (this happened last time). In Singapore I made my way to the smoking zone, stepped outside and then thought “what the fuck am doing here”. It was so hot and schwuel that I even didn’t finish my cigarette. The next day I was lost, I didn’t know that breakfast wasn’t included in the Singapore stopover stay. So I went to buy some bananas saw an elephant man (a man looking like the elephant man in the movie not a man on an elephant) which delayed my breakfast further. Then I took the subway as nobody could tell me where the free transportation for the Singapore stopover is. Of course I haven’t had a plan what I wanted to see and took a ticket to a station recommended from a ticket seller (as he would care just putting me into a train to somewhere away from him). I went out of the subway towards the surface excited what I will see. I saw nothing, being just in the middle of skyscrapers. I didn’t even got an idea in which direction I should go. Usually I think I am not to bad in orientating myself in cities. But with the sky being mostly blocked by buildings, not being able to watch around corners, no idea what to see and why, and having a jetlag, I was lost. I felt a bit like Bill Murray in “Lost in Translation”. Even English is the official language here nobody really has it as his native language and I guess maybe only half of the people speak English (or better Engrisch). And from them only half understand Kiwi English in a German accent.

I don’t like Singapore (City Centre (as that is all I got to see)). It’s all so new in the city center. It’s a bit like it has first been built as an empty polished ghost city and then the people have been moved in. It is not grown. Or better its grown so fast that people couldn’t keep up. And everybody tries to sell you something. Being white and a tourist you get known a lot of people. They are friendly (but not in a New Zealand way)

It usually goes like this:

(Optional after trying to ignore them: “Hey Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Hey stop, Sir! Yeah you, Sir.”)

“Hello Sir, Where from? England?” (Do I look English?? Insault! But anyway..)

“ I am German.”

“Oh, Guten Tag! Wie gehts?”

“I am fine, thank you. How are you? “

“ I have been to Frankfurt/ going to Stuttgart/ my friend lives in Germany/ worked for a German company/ have a lot of German customers/once drank a German beer/ drive a German car. Pick one

Where in Germany you are living.”

“ I live in New Zealand.” This is followed by another 20 seconds small talk about New Zealand, studying etc.

“How long you in Singapore?” “ –Fill your answer here or run away—“

“You come see my shop. Come I show you my shop. You need suit? Camera?”

“No thanks. I don’t wear suits and my suitcase is full (even there are no suits). I do have a camera!”

“We have the best and cheapest suits in the world, handmade!”

“Yes, but I don’t wear suits! And I don’t have money anyway (Thinking: Piss off!)”

“But you need a suit (camera) for graduation ceremony in New Zealand.”

“They wear robes in New Zealand. You wouldn’t see the suit.” (Anyway, a suit in NZ? They still wearing gumboots). The suit makers usually give up then.

“I do have a camera. I can make pictures! I will not buy anything.”

“But for very cheap we can give you a lenses you can put in front of your camera to improve the focus or wide-angle”

“You want me to glue a additional lenses on my camera??”

”Yes.”

“ I am not buying it.” “Ok, fuck off.”

I heard the “Fuck off” only once and it was mumbled. What was he thinking? Wasting my time and his. Even I am a tourist and Singapore is build for selling doesn’t mean I spend money that I don’t have on things I don’t want. If I want something I come to you and ask you to show me something. Milk another cow!

Couldn’t wait to go back to the service desert Germany where no annoying clerks bother you (the other way round you need to play seek and hide with them if you want something from them). After meeting about 200 people trying to sell me something I was thinking to smash the next capitalist slaves face, but as you get a 1000 dollar fine for public peeing I thought there might be the death penalty for violating the core of Singapore’s culture. So I didn’t do it. Instead I went to see some Buddish and Hindu temples. Which was interesting even I didn’t understand what they did in the Hindu temples. It is kind of funny that opposite both Hindu temples I visit there was a shop selling shoes. (You have to leave your shoes outside the temple before entering). The Buddish praying was explain to me by the only Singaporian I met who didn’t try to sell me anything so I kind of knew what they were doing. According to the Singaporian logic I now can sell Sauerkraut, Lederhosen and Kukuswatches to every Chinese I met here in Germany.

The next day I woke up realizing that bedbugs bite a perfect Southern cross at my throat and the whole Milky Way on my arm. So honestly I was happy to leave Singapore. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend Singapore (and the Albert Court Hotel for that matter).

After one our in the plane (I got my vegan meal with cheese and milk!!!) I tried to figure out how I could remove the seats in front of me but somehow made it through the next 11 hours and arrived in summer. I thought. 13C degrees and gray clouds! So nothing to be jealous about. I am still happy to be in the land of the big gray cloud!

# posted by Schwelmo @ Monday, June 05, 2006